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Dating in today’s hookup culture can be challenging, especially when you’re a Christian navigating a world where ghosting, orbiting, and casual sexual experiences with no commitment or emotional attachment have become the norm. Hookup culture is rampant, especially in big cities like New York, Los Angeles, Washington DC, and Houston. It’s everywhere: mainstream music, social media, and even how people communicate. The culture doesn’t just influence how we date; it also impacts how we view marriage, relationships, and even ourselves. Some of the biggest influencers of this culture are mainstream artists who’ve normalized hookup culture, making it seem like the “right” way to approach dating, even for those of us who feel the adverse effects of it.

As Christians, we’re constantly reminded to live differently, to be “set apart” from the world’s ways. But in a culture where dating looks one way, it can be hard to know how to align our values with how we date. The Bible doesn’t give us a specific, step-by-step guide for dating, so we have the freedom to navigate this ourselves, but we also have the responsibility to do so with wisdom. The questions around dating are tricky, and while there are healthy discussions, there are also unhealthy ones, especially when the culture we’re navigating pulls us in different directions.

How to Protect Your Heart While Dating in a Hookup Culture

For those of us dating with the intention of marriage, it’s even more complicated when hookup culture is so prevalent. One of the most significant problems hookup culture has created is that we’ve forgotten how to have healthy conversations. Ghosting, avoiding tough conversations, and disappearing without a word have all become too easy. As a result, we’re engaging with people who lack the maturity or awareness to communicate appropriately. For singles who desire marriage, it’s discouraging to keep meeting people whose values and maturity aren’t aligned with your own.

RELATED: 3 Ways Singles Can Grow Closer to God

I have a somewhat unconventional perspective on dating. The pressure, confusion, and lack of faith I experienced made me fall into the world’s dating patterns for a long time. After years of dating the world’s way, I’ve concluded that it’s better to wait on the Lord entirely, which is my view. I’ve seen firsthand the emotional and spiritual risks of casual dating, especially for those of us seeking a God-centered marriage. The risks include hopelessness and despair, temptation to compromise, anxiety, erosion of self-worth, confusion, and emotional exhaustion. Casual dating carries too many dangers that can damage our relationship with God, distort our self-image, and lead to depression; this is why it’s so important to protect your heart when dating.

Here are a few ways to guard your heart:

Build Healthy Friendships

How can we marry if we never first build a healthy friendship? Dating culture today often skips over the foundational friendship stage, jumping straight into romance or sexual attraction. But if we take a step back and build a friendship first, we can better understand if we even like each other outside of the romantic idea. In a friendship, you can see if your values align, if you enjoy each other’s company, and if there are areas where growth is needed. Friendship removes the weight of expectation and helps guard your heart from falling too quickly or too deeply before you’re ready.

Set Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is essential if you’re getting to know someone in hopes of a future. For Christians who want to honor God with their relationships, abstinence is a non-negotiable. Setting boundaries goes beyond just sexual purity; it also means establishing guardrails in your interactions. These boundaries involve how often you communicate, what topics you’re comfortable discussing, how vulnerable you allow yourself to be, and when it’s appropriate to spend time together. Boundaries protect your heart and help prevent temptation and unnecessary emotional ties.

Focus on Your Purpose

I’ll admit that I’ve been so distracted by the idea of a potential future with someone that I lost sight of my purpose. But anyone God brings into your life should add to your purpose, not distract from it. The potential of a future with someone should never pull you away from what God has already called you to do. While building a friendship, focus on the areas God calls you to grow, the people He’s called you to serve, and the work He’s assigned you to do. Keeping your eyes on the bigger picture helps you stay grounded and guards your heart.

Dating in hookup culture presents a unique challenge. It affects how we view relationships, how we communicate, and how we see ourselves. As Christians who are called to date differently from the world, it can be hard to navigate without much specific biblical guidance. But with a clear understanding of God’s values, we can begin to make intentional choices about how we date. Building a friendship first that leads to courting or dating with the intention of marriage seems like the healthiest approach. By guarding your heart throughout the process, you can protect yourself from the confusion, emotional exhaustion, and temptation that often accompany hookup culture.

Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.

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How to Protect Your Heart While Dating In A Hookup Culture  was originally published on elev8.com